By Sujata Rajpal
Secure your own mask first before helping others. Two decades ago, when for the first time I heard this safety instruction live in the airplane, I was a newly married girl travelling to Alps with my brand new husband. How ridiculous! Be selfish. Think about yourself first. Is this what they want to convey to the society? I elbowed my better half. All my life, I was fed on the diet of putting others before self. Hindi movies and elderly aunties made sure that such values were instilled and ingrained fully. The sole purpose of a woman’s life is to serve others. Give, give, give until your body is squeezed of all energy. The more you give, the more you get, that’s what the motto of your life is. Only then, your life is worth it and not before. Right? Wrong. Motherhood is a choice and not a sacrifice — echoes one of the latest ads. Like everything else in life, motherhood too is evolving. A mother is someone who has been assigned by God with the job to take care of the physical and emotional needs of her children but she is no longer contented just being a mother and a wife. She wants more from life. Give me more, is the latest buzz word. Juggling, hustling, multi-tasking is not an issue, she is tuned for that. You don’t need to wear the badge of sacrifice on your sleeve like a solitaire on your finger. Women love to be sacrificing queens. Sacrificing in small and big ways for children gives them a strange sense of pleasure, a contentment that their lives have been worth it. Alas! Sacrificing queen leads to a checkmate only in the game of chess. In real life, it leads to distress and disaster. Putting yourself before others sometimes is not selfish, it is taking care of yourself. A mother is an individual first and a mother later. She needs to first take care of her own health and happiness to be at the service of her children. Come to think of it, how will a tired and exhausted mother look after her children? Eating before your kids eat doesn’t certify you as a bad mother. You can still be an ideal mother even if you decide to eat before them. And wellbeing is not only restricted to physical needs but also emotional. Recharge, do not break down. Mothers’ distress levels are directly proportional to kids’ mental health. No one wants a grumpy mom? If you are emotionally burnt-out then there is no way you can sit and listen to the crises in your children’s lives. Can a hungry man fill others’ stomach? It is a survival need like the oxygen mask in the times of low pressure.
