By N.K.A. Ballal, Retd. Sr. Vice-President, ITDC
Viktor Frankl, one of the great psychiatrists of the twentieth century, survived the death camps of Nazi Germany. His little book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is one of those life-changing books that everyone should read. Frankl once told the story of a woman who called him in the middle of the night to calmly inform him she was about to commit suicide. Frankl kept her on the phone and talked her through her depression, giving her reason after reason to carry on living. Finally, she promised she would not take her life, and she kept her word. When they later met, Frankl asked which reason had persuaded her to live? “None of them”, she told him. What then influenced her to go on living, he pressed. Her answer was simple, it was Frankl’s ‘willingness to listen’ to her in the middle of the night. A world in which there was someone ready to listen to another’s pain seemed to her a world in which it was worthwhile to live. Often, it is not the brilliant argument that makes the difference. Sometimes the small act of listening is the greatest gift we can give. Let us take the example of the epic Mahabharatha. The ending might have been different if only the master Dronacharya listened properly and reacted. When Dronacharya asked Yudhistira whether his son Aswatthama had been killed, Yudhistira, on instructions from Krishna, replied “Aswatthama Hatha and whispered Kunjara”. . Dronacharya heard the first two words and renounced his weapons and got killed. If only he had listened properly may be the end result of the epic war would have been different... True? A visit to any Church would reveal the presence of a “confession box”. All the priests are trained to listen. They listen to the woes and problems of the common man or women and send them back saying “do not worry, the Lord will take care”.Having ‘unburdened’ their problems, people feel relieved. This is unofficial counselling. The art of listening is not easy. As a head of a PSU, we were trained to listen to the grievances of our workers, day in and day out. Some of the grievances could not be solved and the workers also knew it but nevertheless they had to be heard. At least in person, one can make out the anguish or pain of the person and react but when hearing a problem on phone, one is left to his own wisdom to react and give advice. One has to judge the tone and react accordingly. As Peter Drucker the Management Guru has told “the most important thing in communication is hearing what is not said”. Hearing is not necessary listening nor is it necessary listening well. There is a lot of difference between hearing and listening. Most of the people come to converse with their own agendas and to make their own point of view heard. If one observes, most of the time the conversations become meaningless and after half-an-hour if one were to ask as to what was discussed, you would draw a blank look. Very rarely does one put our entire attention or heart into truly listening and understanding any bit of conversation. Is the art of listening some rocket science? Or is it a born gift? For some it is, but for the majority it is a cultivated discipline. God has deliberately created two ears and only one tongue so that we talk less and listen more! Now let us look into some basic rules which will cultivate the discipline of a good listener
